Go Green

Dyed my hair green recently. It was supposed to be green based instead of green green. But my previous hair color was really light, so the green really stood out. It'll be gone after a few wash and go back to the intended color. So.. Yay? Or nay?

Today's Mood...

It's the time of the month and I'm in the midst of studying for my exams. It was so challenging to stay focused.. My mood was totally gloomy..

But God was with me.. So I here's the smile from daddy's girl (:

Online Home Tuition Jobs

Rm500 per month, teach 2 subjects, an hour a day, 2 days per week at your neighborhood.

50% of the first month's fees will be given to us (agents) as commission.

Looks familiar? Have you tried em' out or wished to do so before?

If you've ever been 'seduced' by such job posts, as a student, housewife or simply an extra income seeker, let me share some experience with you.

Somewhere last year, I came across a tuition job offer and applied for it.

So I sent my profile through email and this UNKNOWN lady who claims to be the agent contacted me through phone calls and smses to confirm my availability and gave me the phone number of the Parents to get the address and fix the time.

So all by myself, I went to this address and started teaching the kids. (Not advisable to be followed) The first 2 classes were fine.. Until this lady started texting me telling me deadlines to bank in the 50% commission. It was just the beginning of the first month and I have yet to get my salary, so I told her to wait for the parents to pay me. But she insisted that it's the rules for me to pay them first with my own money and claims that every other tuition agents does that. In shock I was but having no money, I told her I really can't squeeze anything out and you just gotta wait for my first pay cheque.

So I went on teaching for the next few weeks and took a break when the kids and their family decided to go for a vacation. There were hiccups here and there in my teaching for the few weeks cause my car broke down a couple of times and I was in the midst of trading it. In short - Transport problem.

So I waited for the parents to call me again when they're back but no news was heard. There and then I thought they weren't pleased with my teaching and all the hiccups so they decided to cancel me and feeling bad for not performing well, I did not had the guts to ask for the money.

Until one day..... Miss-Unknown-Lady gave me a call again and asked for the commission. So I told her I'm still waiting for the parents to ring me up and I didn't receive my pay cheque yet. Then the next minute, my phone rang again, this time the parents telling me that Miss-Unknown-Lady has been asking them for money.

The parents explained their case that back then, Miss-Unknown-Lady actually contacted them behind my back and asked them to bank in my salary directly to them and told them that they will replace me with a better tutor. Being unsatisfied with the service, the parents just wanted to terminate it and refused to pay for what they were not satisfied with. They also explained that I was the 3rd tutor that has been sent by this agency. They did not understood the frequent changes of tutor when the first 2 were doing a great job. So I explained to them how the relationship between me and Miss-Unknown-Lady work and we finally understood that us tutors were being replaced frequently and Miss-Unknown-Lady has been earning all the 50% commission from everyone.

Bottom line for my experience - You teach, earn 50% of what you are supposed to, give away 50% as commission and lose the job.

I'm not concluding that all agencies are bad, perhaps you've some pleasant experiences, do feel free to comment and share!

But as a side note, some little things to ponder about is..

- Is it really safe to 'work for' someone that you never met before, or even get to know their full name?

- Is it safe to go into a stranger's house to teach? (I'm lucky enough to not be human-trafficked!)

- Is it really reliable? Or is it a 'scam' like mine?

Again, there may be good and trustworthy agencies out there. I may be the unlucky one this time. So just becareful and good luck!

Singlehood

One fine night, the ex called for a casual chat.

And so he asked "Why are you single until today? Lower down your requirements!"

With a smile I replied "Sometimes it ain't I who have unreasonable requirements. But too many people are attracted by the outer me, my appearance, my responsibilities, titles etc. But after knowing me for a year or more, when I feel safe to reveal the 'not so beautiful' side of me, none are willing to accept it and bear with me as I journey through the valley. They start to feel impatient and eventually back off."

Immediately he understood and agreed.

To you who is reading this, are you facing the same thing as me? :)

家中最小

三天前，我们家小妹麦当娜要到柔佛州出差。。
她与我相差9个月。
想一想在她那年龄的我已自己搭过飞机到澳洲，印尼等，还常常自己到柔佛搭公共巴士到新加坡，自己一个人到新加坡这个大城市去探索游玩。
当时的我自己寻找交通工具，自己认路，天不怕，地不怕。
所以，这次我们的小妹要到柔佛，有人帮她安排机票，交通及住宿，我也没怎么担心。
可是！
到了该赶去机场的时刻，小妹她不知怎么慌了，连要整理一个15kg的行旅她都不行，在那里跳着跟我们求救。。
看她那么可怜我也从电脑前站起来帮她从新整理，20分钟后就好了。

看着她出门，心里还是有些不安，担心这个小妹会不会照顾自己，会不会出什么问题，之前那些信心全都不见了。。在我旁边的伟康大哥也皱着眉头显得很着急。。
不过，人依然要长大，她就匆匆忙忙地走了。。

这一天的我学会了每个人，随年龄相同，能力不一样，我们依然需要互相照顾。
此外，我也了解了我妈的感受，感谢她对我的信心，长长要勇敢地面对我充满了冒险的生活习惯。。实在不容易！
因为她的信心，我有了今天的经历。。
我妈很赞！

His Day

On THIS day, I cried in my room the entire night. Went to play with my dog for some comfort, and cried again.

I can't do it. I can't just forgo the fact that he was selfish, he left and he's still the same. I can't lie to myself. I can't love.

Every trip home I would make it a point to visit him, to spend time having meals with him and going for movies with him. Every cell inside my body was unwilling. But I did it. Why? I'm afraid. I'm afraid one day he would not be here anymore and I would regret not giving enough to him. Yes, perhaps you can say, I'm selfish too by doing all these for myself. But it doesn't make me feel good at all. Every time I'm reminded of his selfishness, his absentee, all the tough times and most importantly, my past.

There's 101 things he wasn't..
He wasn't the first man I fell in love with
He wasn't the man that defended me
He wasn't the man that accepts me for who I am
He wasn't the role model of my life
He wasn't the provider for my life
He wasn't the provider for my education
He wasn't the one that sacrificed for me
He wasn't there.

For the things that he was..
He was the fierce figure at home that I would go straight back into my room when he's around
He was the one that expects me to meet all his expectations
He was the one that shows no grace for my failures
He was the one that wanted my mother to abort me
He was the one that threatened to pour acid on our entire family
He was the one that took all my mother's money
He was the one that made my mother go crazy, depressed and suicidal
He was the one that told me he will never provide for my education when I was 16
He was the one that lied to me and took all my savings

He is my father.

Yesterday was his day. I read tweets about everyone celebrating and appreciating their father. As a Christian leader, I'm supposed to love, set an example, appreciate my father.

But I can't be a hypocrite. This ain't what's going on in my heart. I wanna be real.

This is how I am feeling today. I'm not sure how many of you can identify with my situation, but this is the real me.

I'm not being negative. I'm just being real. I still believe. I believe there'll be a breakthrough. The fact that I'm still alive and living my life now is already a miracle.

More breakthroughs are ahead. Things are bad but I don't need to waste my life being a drunkard, messing around with guys, giving up on myself. I move forward. My own godly family, my own future, my selfless life for others is what I'm anticipating. :)

Passingby

Hey there Mr. Passer-by!
Wait upppppp! Don't go so fast!
I wanna enjoy you a little more in my life.
(: