Monday, August 23, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Who's being neglected now?
One of my once in a blue moon but deadly emotional attacks came to the visit again. I don't know about you, but this is a battle i need to fight since I was a kid due to my family back ground and upbringing. It is a very strong feeling of being neglected and unloved and it happens when people around me are too busy for me, they don't count me into their outings or when they left me out on a movie session. The question frequently revolves around my self value in someone Else's eyes. Thoughts such as "Others are more important than me" or "I'm always secondary" would flood my mind and bring my whole person to the lowest pit.
I've seek for help and read hundreds of books. The one and only solution that is really working for me is to find my security in God alone. Now, what does it mean to do that? How can I do that if I don't even know who or 'what' is this God you're talking about? For me, when these attacks come, I would usually cry myself to sleep alone in my bed room. But as I began to go to church and read the bible, I found out that the way God looked at me was different from how I looked at myself. I thought nobody is interested to care about me. But God said He knew me in my mother's womb and has plans for me even before I was born. I thought I am always a notch lower than others. But God said I was made to be the head and not the tail. I thought I am weak and useless. But God said I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and when I am weak, He is strong. As I began to read even more or listen to Pastor's preaching, I realized I was made for a great purpose. And my life is a beautiful design. I'm not an unwanted child of my parents that they didn't happen to abort, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. The best thing is, there is someone that actually died for me so that all my sins(the lies that I've spoke, wrong things that I've done, rules that I've broke) would be taken away from me and I can be pure and clean once again! Wow! Don't you think that's amazing? I definitely prefer to believe that I'm created by an awesome God who loves me than believing that I'm an evolution of the monkeys!
Well, knowing all these and feeling happy about it is one thing. But having it as a head knowledge simply isn't enough. How can I actually apply it in my life? Well, thank God the bible teaches us all things! That is why it is called Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth you see.. Haha..
Romans 10:9
9 that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
*Tadaaa* One of the ways that I've learned is confessing! 1 year ago, the very same attack came upon me when I was driving alone to the shopping mall. I was all upset and was ready to cry and the Holy Spirit came and challenged me to speak into my situation. I actually ignored it at the first place as I was very comfortably victimizing myself. But on the other hand, I didn't want to go to the mall with a sour face too. It was tough and hard. Finally, I stood up and did it. I still remembered the first thing that came out from my mouth was "This is not the truth!" and then I kept confessing my victory over this whole situation based on the word of God. What came to my horror was that I didn't felt better. The self pityness became stronger and I cried even harder. But I kept pressing on, kept on believing and proclaiming my victory. It was really a hard and tough journey. But as I kept doing it for 5 minutes, the whole atmosphere changed suddenly. My self pity feelings disappeared. Tears were still coming down from my eyes, but I just felt alright and VICTORIOUS! WOW! That was the first time I won the battle! Hazel always told me to stand up and fight! And she said that once you won the first battle, the rest of it would be a piece of cake. I was so okay and I went to the mall to shop happily :D
So there goes my first time. Yes of course it comes back. But each and every time it becomes easier and easier to overcome. Thinking about it reminds me that what Dr. Cho taught in Asia Conference 2010 was true! Our words and vision are the only things that can enter the 4th dimension. Words can be heard but cannot be felt and seen. It is something in the 3rd dimension that carries the characteristic of the 4th dimension. Wow! There is power in my confession and proclamation! And trust me, I've changed from crying myself to sleep to praying and worshiping God for 15 minutes!
This time it came again with it's usual ways. So I grabbed the guitar and began to pray.. Yes, the feelings are strong, I felt abandoned, rejected and neglected. Tears began to flood my eyes as I was praying. But all of a sudden, I moved into a different perspection. Something inside of me stirred me and asked this question "How was God feeling?" I felt so shock and guilty trying to answer the question. Yes, there were many times when I was thinking about what to do at night after classes, my answers would be watching movies, catching up with friends, shopping etc etc. Rarely did the thought of "I'm free tonight! Whatcha wanna do God?" appeared in my mind. Don't get me wrong, I do my devotions, but what I'm trying to say here is I realized that devotion is not enough. Rather than arranging our time with God like our classes which is from 9-10 in the morning, He should be someone we dine with, someone we hang out with and date!
This is the lesson I've learnt. God is my best friend and yet I neglected Him without knowing it. I'm learning and changing. What about you? Would you tell your friends you have something on tonight and that something is actually your date with God?
I've seek for help and read hundreds of books. The one and only solution that is really working for me is to find my security in God alone. Now, what does it mean to do that? How can I do that if I don't even know who or 'what' is this God you're talking about? For me, when these attacks come, I would usually cry myself to sleep alone in my bed room. But as I began to go to church and read the bible, I found out that the way God looked at me was different from how I looked at myself. I thought nobody is interested to care about me. But God said He knew me in my mother's womb and has plans for me even before I was born. I thought I am always a notch lower than others. But God said I was made to be the head and not the tail. I thought I am weak and useless. But God said I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and when I am weak, He is strong. As I began to read even more or listen to Pastor's preaching, I realized I was made for a great purpose. And my life is a beautiful design. I'm not an unwanted child of my parents that they didn't happen to abort, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. The best thing is, there is someone that actually died for me so that all my sins(the lies that I've spoke, wrong things that I've done, rules that I've broke) would be taken away from me and I can be pure and clean once again! Wow! Don't you think that's amazing? I definitely prefer to believe that I'm created by an awesome God who loves me than believing that I'm an evolution of the monkeys!
Well, knowing all these and feeling happy about it is one thing. But having it as a head knowledge simply isn't enough. How can I actually apply it in my life? Well, thank God the bible teaches us all things! That is why it is called Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth you see.. Haha..
Romans 10:9
9 that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
*Tadaaa* One of the ways that I've learned is confessing! 1 year ago, the very same attack came upon me when I was driving alone to the shopping mall. I was all upset and was ready to cry and the Holy Spirit came and challenged me to speak into my situation. I actually ignored it at the first place as I was very comfortably victimizing myself. But on the other hand, I didn't want to go to the mall with a sour face too. It was tough and hard. Finally, I stood up and did it. I still remembered the first thing that came out from my mouth was "This is not the truth!" and then I kept confessing my victory over this whole situation based on the word of God. What came to my horror was that I didn't felt better. The self pityness became stronger and I cried even harder. But I kept pressing on, kept on believing and proclaiming my victory. It was really a hard and tough journey. But as I kept doing it for 5 minutes, the whole atmosphere changed suddenly. My self pity feelings disappeared. Tears were still coming down from my eyes, but I just felt alright and VICTORIOUS! WOW! That was the first time I won the battle! Hazel always told me to stand up and fight! And she said that once you won the first battle, the rest of it would be a piece of cake. I was so okay and I went to the mall to shop happily :D
So there goes my first time. Yes of course it comes back. But each and every time it becomes easier and easier to overcome. Thinking about it reminds me that what Dr. Cho taught in Asia Conference 2010 was true! Our words and vision are the only things that can enter the 4th dimension. Words can be heard but cannot be felt and seen. It is something in the 3rd dimension that carries the characteristic of the 4th dimension. Wow! There is power in my confession and proclamation! And trust me, I've changed from crying myself to sleep to praying and worshiping God for 15 minutes!
This time it came again with it's usual ways. So I grabbed the guitar and began to pray.. Yes, the feelings are strong, I felt abandoned, rejected and neglected. Tears began to flood my eyes as I was praying. But all of a sudden, I moved into a different perspection. Something inside of me stirred me and asked this question "How was God feeling?" I felt so shock and guilty trying to answer the question. Yes, there were many times when I was thinking about what to do at night after classes, my answers would be watching movies, catching up with friends, shopping etc etc. Rarely did the thought of "I'm free tonight! Whatcha wanna do God?" appeared in my mind. Don't get me wrong, I do my devotions, but what I'm trying to say here is I realized that devotion is not enough. Rather than arranging our time with God like our classes which is from 9-10 in the morning, He should be someone we dine with, someone we hang out with and date!
This is the lesson I've learnt. God is my best friend and yet I neglected Him without knowing it. I'm learning and changing. What about you? Would you tell your friends you have something on tonight and that something is actually your date with God?
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Desires.
Well, if you've been following my blog, you will realized that it's a blog that you can 'learn' from. Not that I'm very good in philosophies or whatsoever, it's just that I'm a thinker and I get excited over the revelations that I get rather than my mood swings or emotions. And besides, it would be a great thing that others can gain from my posts too.
But today, I guess I'm gonna talk about myself for a little.These few weeks has been very exciting, full of ups and downs, challenging and fulfilling!
I have been constantly enlarging myself with different tasks, spontaneous decisions, meeting different expectations. But His faithfulness never ends. =)
As I grow, the things around me will 'grow' too. And eventually they grew old and die or some decided to ran away from home! So this is the season that I need a lot of new things. But then, I can only wait and pray. No money lah $_$
Let's look at the list...
1. Mattress. (The one I'm sleeping on now totally koyaks. Every night I can feel the spring pocking my back!
2. Purse. (The current beautiful purple purse is now known as The big-hole purple purse.)
3. Bed sheets. (BIG BIG hole on my bed sheet!)
4. Ear phone. ( AC is coming. Some music will definitely help in the long Q. Maybe an IPOD TOUCH with some games would be even better! =P)
5. Laptop. (check out the terrible keyboard.)
6. Shoes/Pumps/Flats (Need something comfy for the 5 days of AC.)
7. A new pair of wedges. (The old one died long time ago)
8. Clothes. (The last top I bought was the subzone T-shirt ='( )
9. Lomo camera. (Always wanted to explore lomography. But knowing myself, I was afraid that I'll be broke buying and developing films. Perhaps anyone wants to borrow me their camera for a day or 2?)
10. Make up. (That is the little compact powder that I have left and the REMAINING LENGTH of my eye liner. No joke!)
Ok that is the 10 things. There are ALOT more. I'm too lazy to list them down...
Oh wait! And not forgetting, I want a BB so that I can keep in touch with Kathy and others who are overseas.
Oh well................... Without them, I'm still surviving today. So I suppose I can still survive until the $$$$$$ or *blessing* come in. So, pray with me folks! *mwahs*
But today, I guess I'm gonna talk about myself for a little.These few weeks has been very exciting, full of ups and downs, challenging and fulfilling!
I have been constantly enlarging myself with different tasks, spontaneous decisions, meeting different expectations. But His faithfulness never ends. =)
As I grow, the things around me will 'grow' too. And eventually they grew old and die or some decided to ran away from home! So this is the season that I need a lot of new things. But then, I can only wait and pray. No money lah $_$
Let's look at the list...
1. Mattress. (The one I'm sleeping on now totally koyaks. Every night I can feel the spring pocking my back!
2. Purse. (The current beautiful purple purse is now known as The big-hole purple purse.)
3. Bed sheets. (BIG BIG hole on my bed sheet!)
4. Ear phone. ( AC is coming. Some music will definitely help in the long Q. Maybe an IPOD TOUCH with some games would be even better! =P)5. Laptop. (check out the terrible keyboard.)
6. Shoes/Pumps/Flats (Need something comfy for the 5 days of AC.)7. A new pair of wedges. (The old one died long time ago)
8. Clothes. (The last top I bought was the subzone T-shirt ='( )
9. Lomo camera. (Always wanted to explore lomography. But knowing myself, I was afraid that I'll be broke buying and developing films. Perhaps anyone wants to borrow me their camera for a day or 2?)
10. Make up. (That is the little compact powder that I have left and the REMAINING LENGTH of my eye liner. No joke!)
Ok that is the 10 things. There are ALOT more. I'm too lazy to list them down...
Oh wait! And not forgetting, I want a BB so that I can keep in touch with Kathy and others who are overseas.
Oh well................... Without them, I'm still surviving today. So I suppose I can still survive until the $$$$$$ or *blessing* come in. So, pray with me folks! *mwahs*
Thursday, April 1, 2010
T.R.U.T.H
As I was doing my devotion and reading the bible today, i word that really captured my attention and hit me hard is the word TRUTH.
It's a very simple word, a word that may not even capture our attention, but yet it is a very powerful wordl. So people ask, why do we believe in Jesus? Most of us will say it is because of His love. But taking a deeper thought, what makes His love more powerful than the love that other 'gods' give is that His love is the truth. We hold on, we believe, we love, because He is true.
When Adam and Eve sinned, the highlight is actually not on the fruit that they ate, but it's on the life of truth that they failed to live.They hid, they ran, they accused one another and they failed to face the truth that they had done something wrong. Just like all of us today. I believe not many of us has the courage to strip our masks off and tell the world who we really are. Our life is surrounded by sin. But how many of us can stand up and tell people how ugly we are? If this is the truth to you, I believe you still do know Jesus. You do not know His love at all.
1 John 4:17-19 (New King James Version)
The Consummation of Love
17 Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 19 We love Him because He first loved us.
His love is to enable us to have boldness when our sins are judged.
His love casts out all fear. And that includes the fear of rejection from people, the fear of losing the good impression people have towards you.
His love is patient and understanding in a world of intolerance.
His love brings clarity of mind to those who are confused, rest to the weary, hope to the hopeless and strength to those who feel that they can't go on.
His love can heal and mend a broken heart.
His love drives away darkness.
There is no problem too big for His love to contain. It is so pure and simple. But for a lot of people, it could be the scariest thing on earth for them. And that is the ultimate goal that the devil wants to achieve - to cause people to fear light and desire darkness so that they can be added as a captive to him.
If you cannot live in truth, you are the first one rejecting yourself.
I've been through darkness. I loved the way it protected my ugliness. But one day light came in. It showed me truth. It wasn't easy. But the day I stepped in, I never have to live in darkness again.
3 John 3:3
3 For I rejoiced greatly when brethren came and testified of the truth that is in you, just as you walk in the truth.
We live because of truth so we need to live in truth and show the world truth.
It's a very simple word, a word that may not even capture our attention, but yet it is a very powerful wordl. So people ask, why do we believe in Jesus? Most of us will say it is because of His love. But taking a deeper thought, what makes His love more powerful than the love that other 'gods' give is that His love is the truth. We hold on, we believe, we love, because He is true.
When Adam and Eve sinned, the highlight is actually not on the fruit that they ate, but it's on the life of truth that they failed to live.They hid, they ran, they accused one another and they failed to face the truth that they had done something wrong. Just like all of us today. I believe not many of us has the courage to strip our masks off and tell the world who we really are. Our life is surrounded by sin. But how many of us can stand up and tell people how ugly we are? If this is the truth to you, I believe you still do know Jesus. You do not know His love at all.
1 John 4:17-19 (New King James Version)
The Consummation of Love
17 Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 19 We love Him because He first loved us.
His love is to enable us to have boldness when our sins are judged.
His love casts out all fear. And that includes the fear of rejection from people, the fear of losing the good impression people have towards you.
His love is patient and understanding in a world of intolerance.
His love brings clarity of mind to those who are confused, rest to the weary, hope to the hopeless and strength to those who feel that they can't go on.
His love can heal and mend a broken heart.
His love drives away darkness.
There is no problem too big for His love to contain. It is so pure and simple. But for a lot of people, it could be the scariest thing on earth for them. And that is the ultimate goal that the devil wants to achieve - to cause people to fear light and desire darkness so that they can be added as a captive to him.
If you cannot live in truth, you are the first one rejecting yourself.
I've been through darkness. I loved the way it protected my ugliness. But one day light came in. It showed me truth. It wasn't easy. But the day I stepped in, I never have to live in darkness again.
3 John 3:3
3 For I rejoiced greatly when brethren came and testified of the truth that is in you, just as you walk in the truth.
We live because of truth so we need to live in truth and show the world truth.
Easter.
This post is written specially for my beloved CG members. I'm so proud of all of you for working tirelessly in bringing your friends to church in every big day. You guys are really AMAZING!
But in the midst of our hard work, let's not forget the true purpose of Easter. Let's not forget the message and real meaning of Easter.
Easter is the celebration of the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. But in the midst of our busyness, our big day, our events, our new friends, let's not forget to give thanks to the one who died for us and rose again that we may have a new life.
As all of us know, Adam and Eve sinned against God and since then, the relationship between human beings and God was broken. And the consequences of sin is death, but because God loved us so much, He sent Jesus to die on the cross. So that He as a sinless man would be crucified with all our sins and that we may be pure and holy again through Him. And the best thing is, He conquered death and rose again and defeated the power of Satan. The resurrection of Christ is so important that our it is the foundation of our faith. Do read http://www.konghee.com/www/2010/03/did-jesus-resurrect-from-the-dead/ and learn about Jesus' resurrection.
Today, as we work hard for Easter, I would like to share with you the story of Mary and Martha.
Luke 10:38-42 (NLT)
38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”
Perhaps you may be trying to get the attendance from your group members but they have been reluctant in inviting their friends and they replied you late.
Or you may even feel that it is unfair that you have to arrange transport for everyone while the other members can enjoy going to church without going through all the fuss you are experiencing.
Or you may feel that it is unfair because you feel that you are working harder than any other member to bring your friends and you are not really appreciated.
Or you may even feel stress because you have 100 tasks ahead of you and I still push you to bring your friends to church for the weekend.
So perhaps these would be the thoughts that came through your mind..
I'm so frustrated! My group members are not cooperative. They're not replying my smses. I waste my money to text them and they take my sms for granted!
Or.. Why must I be the one who is arranging the transport? Can't someone else do it. It's so unfair!
Or.. I've been trying very hard to invite my friends. But they are just not responding. Other members have friends who are easier to deal with. Of course they can invite more.
Or.. I have my assignments, exams, quiz, now have to deal with Easter some more?! Burn out!
** Turn to your neighbor and say: I know she is not talking about you!**
Let's go back to the story in the bible. Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus. She was spending time with Him and listening to His teachings. And because of that, she is not worried and upset about all the details. Does that mean that Mary was lazy to serve dinner to Jesus? No! Mary too loved Jesus as much as Martha. But her priority was different. She prioritized her relationship with Him over serving Him while Martha thought that she has to serve Him to prove her love to Him.
So could it be that because Martha did not spend time with Jesus, she was serving Him without knowing Him. And by that, she was serving without purpose and meaning. And because of that, she was distracted in her serving and she started comparing herself with her sister. Serving was no longer something personal that she wanted to offer to the Lord. And thus, she got offended at the end.
Guys, I know you guys want to work hard for Easter. We are all excited for the multiplication that is coming.
42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Jesus said that there is only one thing to be concerned about, that is your relationship with Him. Do you know Jesus enough today? Do you know who is this God you are serving? Do you know the purpose of you bringing friends to Easter? What is the reason behind this hard work?
This Easter, even though we're bringing our friends, attending service with our friends and family let's prepare our hearts to get to know Jesus personally again. Let's desire and expect for more than what we already have.
Getting to know Jesus is a journey. And there is no end to it.
Serving Jesus is a joy. And it will be even joyful when you work partnering the holy spirit.
When you know Jesus, He will never be taken away from you.
I pray that this Easter, you will be able to encounter Him in a whole new level. Remember, when you take one step towards God, He will run 100 steps towards you.
But in the midst of our hard work, let's not forget the true purpose of Easter. Let's not forget the message and real meaning of Easter.
Easter is the celebration of the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. But in the midst of our busyness, our big day, our events, our new friends, let's not forget to give thanks to the one who died for us and rose again that we may have a new life.
As all of us know, Adam and Eve sinned against God and since then, the relationship between human beings and God was broken. And the consequences of sin is death, but because God loved us so much, He sent Jesus to die on the cross. So that He as a sinless man would be crucified with all our sins and that we may be pure and holy again through Him. And the best thing is, He conquered death and rose again and defeated the power of Satan. The resurrection of Christ is so important that our it is the foundation of our faith. Do read http://www.konghee.com/www/2010/03/did-jesus-resurrect-from-the-dead/ and learn about Jesus' resurrection.
Today, as we work hard for Easter, I would like to share with you the story of Mary and Martha.
Luke 10:38-42 (NLT)
38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”
41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Just like Martha, we may all be distracted or even felt that things were unfair when we serve the Lord.Perhaps you may be trying to get the attendance from your group members but they have been reluctant in inviting their friends and they replied you late.
Or you may even feel that it is unfair that you have to arrange transport for everyone while the other members can enjoy going to church without going through all the fuss you are experiencing.
Or you may feel that it is unfair because you feel that you are working harder than any other member to bring your friends and you are not really appreciated.
Or you may even feel stress because you have 100 tasks ahead of you and I still push you to bring your friends to church for the weekend.
So perhaps these would be the thoughts that came through your mind..
I'm so frustrated! My group members are not cooperative. They're not replying my smses. I waste my money to text them and they take my sms for granted!
Or.. Why must I be the one who is arranging the transport? Can't someone else do it. It's so unfair!
Or.. I've been trying very hard to invite my friends. But they are just not responding. Other members have friends who are easier to deal with. Of course they can invite more.
Or.. I have my assignments, exams, quiz, now have to deal with Easter some more?! Burn out!
** Turn to your neighbor and say: I know she is not talking about you!**
Let's go back to the story in the bible. Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus. She was spending time with Him and listening to His teachings. And because of that, she is not worried and upset about all the details. Does that mean that Mary was lazy to serve dinner to Jesus? No! Mary too loved Jesus as much as Martha. But her priority was different. She prioritized her relationship with Him over serving Him while Martha thought that she has to serve Him to prove her love to Him.
So could it be that because Martha did not spend time with Jesus, she was serving Him without knowing Him. And by that, she was serving without purpose and meaning. And because of that, she was distracted in her serving and she started comparing herself with her sister. Serving was no longer something personal that she wanted to offer to the Lord. And thus, she got offended at the end.
Guys, I know you guys want to work hard for Easter. We are all excited for the multiplication that is coming.
42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Jesus said that there is only one thing to be concerned about, that is your relationship with Him. Do you know Jesus enough today? Do you know who is this God you are serving? Do you know the purpose of you bringing friends to Easter? What is the reason behind this hard work?
This Easter, even though we're bringing our friends, attending service with our friends and family let's prepare our hearts to get to know Jesus personally again. Let's desire and expect for more than what we already have.
Getting to know Jesus is a journey. And there is no end to it.
Serving Jesus is a joy. And it will be even joyful when you work partnering the holy spirit.
When you know Jesus, He will never be taken away from you.
I pray that this Easter, you will be able to encounter Him in a whole new level. Remember, when you take one step towards God, He will run 100 steps towards you.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
People. People. People.
Every day, without fail the most common thing we will see is people. When you leave your condo, you meet the guard at the gate. When you are stuck at home, you go online or watch tv, people are there. It is simply something that you can never avoid.
I believe that every season in life has it's purpose, and that includes the people that are placed in our lives as well. There are people who comes into our lives and paints a colourful rainbow over it such as our family members, our spouse and people whom we love and treasure. Some on the other hand paints a thunder storm such as your backstabbing colleague, or the snatch thieve that has stolen your belongings. Nonetheless, there some that doesn't even cause the weight of a hair.
People around you may come and leave. Your close buddies will part from you to further their studies, siblings will leave home and build their own family, or some even to an extent where death takes place. These changes are happening constantly sometimes even without us noticing it. But the problem here is, we are not ready for it.
We are all emotional beings. It is an undeniable fact that we will feel sad, hopeless and dislike and most of the time, all these feelings are caused by the people around us. But sadly, alot of times people especially Christians put up a mask to cover their feelings. Christians often have the mentality that as a Christian they should portray a happy joyful image all the time. Thus, they suppress their emotions and keep moving on. Or some on the other hand are simply too prideful to show their weakness. They refuse to let others know that they are hurting. They want people to see them as a strong and healthy person. These people are nothing more than an insecure person that is afraid of the eyes of the world. Unfortunately, they just made themselves into a time bomb, and when the pile of junk that is not dealt with piles up, the bomb will explode.
Many will ask, 'If God is a good God, why don't He place good people in your lives instead? Why must He place bad people in good people's lives.' Well, the fact is this. God never promised us a good and smooth sailing life. But He promised us a life of victory which means we can overcome the obstacles in life. God is move concern about our character than our comfort. Thus, He allows bad people to come in to our lives so that we can learn to handle them with a good attitude and grow stronger. Thinking about it, I will really rather be a person that can take offenses and still be continue loving than crying like a baby every time people upsets me. And I thank God for giving me all the opportunities to mold my character.
I remembered some time ago, I used to hide up my feelings. Confrontation was the number one thing I would avoid. I would put a smile up on my face and pretend that I am happy with everything. I would have my own secret ways of escape whenever I'm upset. There are times where I will even condemn myself for being sad. I thought things are fine and well covered up, but the truth is everyone who loves me knew I was not alright. So one day, my beloved leader Shirley sat me down and began to open up the can of worms. The ugliness within was finally revealed. I began to pour out how hurting I feel in the inside of me, how empty, how broken, how offended etc. I finally put down my mask. And that was the time she smiled at me and said "Today I finally know that Crystal is a human being." =.= I was actually waiting for some rebuking or whatsoever. But instead, she only showed me love, letting me know that I am not the only one who suffers certain issues, it's very common to people and I don't need to be upset with myself for that. She assured me that no matter what happened, I am still loved by God. So as time goes by, I am restored, and I began to know my secure identity.
One of the ways Shirley restored me is by teaching me that emotions are real. We must not suppress it but my should deal with it with appropriate ways. We need to be honest with ourselves. Never feel that we are alone in the situation, help is just a phone call away.
In the whole 2009, God has been working a lot in my relationships. He took away 3 people whom I am closest to, place me in a new cell group that I am not really familiar with(today I love each and everyone of them to bits) and even place in people that have wounded and hurt me. At the end of the day, I really learnt that human beings are not perfect and that includes myself. But God is the only one who is perfect and I can depend on Him all the time. Unlike people, He never fails my expectations. And the best thing is, He loves me with the greatest love in the world. If I have the greatest love of all, what is there to be afraid of?
I believe the best highlight of the year is God changing my lenses (just like in the song The Rising) With His love, I began to see the in depths of things. For example, when people speak words that hurt me, i realized that the reason is not really because they want to hurt me, but instead it was because of their insecurities that caused them to not know how to respond to me. And because of that, I no longer feel offended but rather I have a compassion for them. At the end of the day, I've learnt I am loved, and my calling is to love. No matter how difficult it is, I will still choose to love.
I believe that every season in life has it's purpose, and that includes the people that are placed in our lives as well. There are people who comes into our lives and paints a colourful rainbow over it such as our family members, our spouse and people whom we love and treasure. Some on the other hand paints a thunder storm such as your backstabbing colleague, or the snatch thieve that has stolen your belongings. Nonetheless, there some that doesn't even cause the weight of a hair.
People around you may come and leave. Your close buddies will part from you to further their studies, siblings will leave home and build their own family, or some even to an extent where death takes place. These changes are happening constantly sometimes even without us noticing it. But the problem here is, we are not ready for it.
We are all emotional beings. It is an undeniable fact that we will feel sad, hopeless and dislike and most of the time, all these feelings are caused by the people around us. But sadly, alot of times people especially Christians put up a mask to cover their feelings. Christians often have the mentality that as a Christian they should portray a happy joyful image all the time. Thus, they suppress their emotions and keep moving on. Or some on the other hand are simply too prideful to show their weakness. They refuse to let others know that they are hurting. They want people to see them as a strong and healthy person. These people are nothing more than an insecure person that is afraid of the eyes of the world. Unfortunately, they just made themselves into a time bomb, and when the pile of junk that is not dealt with piles up, the bomb will explode.
Many will ask, 'If God is a good God, why don't He place good people in your lives instead? Why must He place bad people in good people's lives.' Well, the fact is this. God never promised us a good and smooth sailing life. But He promised us a life of victory which means we can overcome the obstacles in life. God is move concern about our character than our comfort. Thus, He allows bad people to come in to our lives so that we can learn to handle them with a good attitude and grow stronger. Thinking about it, I will really rather be a person that can take offenses and still be continue loving than crying like a baby every time people upsets me. And I thank God for giving me all the opportunities to mold my character.
I remembered some time ago, I used to hide up my feelings. Confrontation was the number one thing I would avoid. I would put a smile up on my face and pretend that I am happy with everything. I would have my own secret ways of escape whenever I'm upset. There are times where I will even condemn myself for being sad. I thought things are fine and well covered up, but the truth is everyone who loves me knew I was not alright. So one day, my beloved leader Shirley sat me down and began to open up the can of worms. The ugliness within was finally revealed. I began to pour out how hurting I feel in the inside of me, how empty, how broken, how offended etc. I finally put down my mask. And that was the time she smiled at me and said "Today I finally know that Crystal is a human being." =.= I was actually waiting for some rebuking or whatsoever. But instead, she only showed me love, letting me know that I am not the only one who suffers certain issues, it's very common to people and I don't need to be upset with myself for that. She assured me that no matter what happened, I am still loved by God. So as time goes by, I am restored, and I began to know my secure identity.
One of the ways Shirley restored me is by teaching me that emotions are real. We must not suppress it but my should deal with it with appropriate ways. We need to be honest with ourselves. Never feel that we are alone in the situation, help is just a phone call away.
In the whole 2009, God has been working a lot in my relationships. He took away 3 people whom I am closest to, place me in a new cell group that I am not really familiar with(today I love each and everyone of them to bits) and even place in people that have wounded and hurt me. At the end of the day, I really learnt that human beings are not perfect and that includes myself. But God is the only one who is perfect and I can depend on Him all the time. Unlike people, He never fails my expectations. And the best thing is, He loves me with the greatest love in the world. If I have the greatest love of all, what is there to be afraid of?
I believe the best highlight of the year is God changing my lenses (just like in the song The Rising) With His love, I began to see the in depths of things. For example, when people speak words that hurt me, i realized that the reason is not really because they want to hurt me, but instead it was because of their insecurities that caused them to not know how to respond to me. And because of that, I no longer feel offended but rather I have a compassion for them. At the end of the day, I've learnt I am loved, and my calling is to love. No matter how difficult it is, I will still choose to love.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
我最要好的朋友
Today was a long day. A fruitful one I would say. One of the highlights is having to spend time talking with one of my close friend. Everyone has been busy for the whole season. I was happy to be able to catch up, but yet I found things or maybe I should call it 'secrets' that were not made known to me. And the worst part is, the friend kinda regretted after sharing.
Well, I understand that people keep their secrets. Sometimes they need to protect themselves, sometimes they need to protect others. But secret is also something that will either build a relationship or destroy it.
For my case, nothing much was broken, nothing was build either. But one thing I know is that God is allowing this to happen not because He wants me to be sad. But rather, He is simply reminding me not to rely on human relationships but to realize that He is the only one that can meet all my needs and He will never disappoint me.
So I spent some time with Him, and with all His faithfulness, He gave me a song to restore me. I can't play any instruments, so there is only lyrics. And oh ya! This time, it's a Chinese song. ;)
Here it goes........
朋友在我的身边 多得我数不清
路过的 真心的 我再也都分不清
一起走过的路我都还记得
一起有过的欢笑依然在我的脑海里
怎么了 是我变了吗 还是我们从来没有真正认识过
怎么了 是我被遗忘了吗 时间怎么在我们之间建筑了一到厚厚的墙
那熟悉的你们在哪里
失望 难过 把我深深地淹没
走着 哭着 突然听到了个熟悉的声音
转过身 回头望
看到那伤痕累累的手 才明白最爱我得人其实是祢
看见我的狼狈过去 才领悟到那伤痕的来源其实是我
祢总在我的雨天画上彩虹
祢总在黑暗里抹走我的泪光
此刻, 我找到了最爱我的祢
我找到了我最好的朋友
Well, I understand that people keep their secrets. Sometimes they need to protect themselves, sometimes they need to protect others. But secret is also something that will either build a relationship or destroy it.
For my case, nothing much was broken, nothing was build either. But one thing I know is that God is allowing this to happen not because He wants me to be sad. But rather, He is simply reminding me not to rely on human relationships but to realize that He is the only one that can meet all my needs and He will never disappoint me.
So I spent some time with Him, and with all His faithfulness, He gave me a song to restore me. I can't play any instruments, so there is only lyrics. And oh ya! This time, it's a Chinese song. ;)
Here it goes........
朋友在我的身边 多得我数不清
路过的 真心的 我再也都分不清
一起走过的路我都还记得
一起有过的欢笑依然在我的脑海里
怎么了 是我变了吗 还是我们从来没有真正认识过
怎么了 是我被遗忘了吗 时间怎么在我们之间建筑了一到厚厚的墙
那熟悉的你们在哪里
失望 难过 把我深深地淹没
走着 哭着 突然听到了个熟悉的声音
转过身 回头望
看到那伤痕累累的手 才明白最爱我得人其实是祢
看见我的狼狈过去 才领悟到那伤痕的来源其实是我
祢总在我的雨天画上彩虹
祢总在黑暗里抹走我的泪光
此刻, 我找到了最爱我的祢
我找到了我最好的朋友
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