People. People. People.

Every day, without fail the most common thing we will see is people. When you leave your condo, you meet the guard at the gate. When you are stuck at home, you go online or watch tv, people are there. It is simply something that you can never avoid.

I believe that every season in life has it's purpose, and that includes the people that are placed in our lives as well. There are people who comes into our lives and paints a colourful rainbow over it such as our family members, our spouse and people whom we love and treasure. Some on the other hand paints a thunder storm such as your backstabbing colleague, or the snatch thieve that has stolen your belongings. Nonetheless, there some that doesn't even cause the weight of a hair.

People around you may come and leave. Your close buddies will part from you to further their studies, siblings will leave home and build their own family, or some even to an extent where death takes place. These changes are happening constantly sometimes even without us noticing it. But the problem here is, we are not ready for it.

We are all emotional beings. It is an undeniable fact that we will feel sad, hopeless and dislike and most of the time, all these feelings are caused by the people around us. But sadly, alot of times people especially Christians put up a mask to cover their feelings. Christians often have the mentality that as a Christian they should portray a happy joyful image all the time. Thus, they suppress their emotions and keep moving on. Or some on the other hand are simply too prideful to show their weakness. They refuse to let others know that they are hurting. They want people to see them as a strong and healthy person. These people are nothing more than an insecure person that is afraid of the eyes of the world. Unfortunately, they just made themselves into a time bomb, and when the pile of junk that is not dealt with piles up, the bomb will explode.

Many will ask, 'If God is a good God, why don't He place good people in your lives instead? Why must He place bad people in good people's lives.' Well, the fact is this. God never promised us a good and smooth sailing life. But He promised us a life of victory which means we can overcome the obstacles in life. God is move concern about our character than our comfort. Thus, He allows bad people to come in to our lives so that we can learn to handle them with a good attitude and grow stronger. Thinking about it, I will really rather be a person that can take offenses and still be continue loving than crying like a baby every time people upsets me. And I thank God for giving me all the opportunities to mold my character.

I remembered some time ago, I used to hide up my feelings. Confrontation was the number one thing I would avoid. I would put a smile up on my face and pretend that I am happy with everything. I would have my own secret ways of escape whenever I'm upset. There are times where I will even condemn myself for being sad. I thought things are fine and well covered up, but the truth is everyone who loves me knew I was not alright. So one day, my beloved leader Shirley sat me down and began to open up the can of worms. The ugliness within was finally revealed. I began to pour out how hurting I feel in the inside of me, how empty, how broken, how offended etc. I finally put down my mask. And that was the time she smiled at me and said "Today I finally know that Crystal is a human being." =.= I was actually waiting for some rebuking or whatsoever. But instead, she only showed me love, letting me know that I am not the only one who suffers certain issues, it's very common to people and I don't need to be upset with myself for that. She assured me that no matter what happened, I am still loved by God. So as time goes by, I am restored, and I began to know my secure identity.

One of the ways Shirley restored me is by teaching me that emotions are real. We must not suppress it but my should deal with it with appropriate ways. We need to be honest with ourselves. Never feel that we are alone in the situation, help is just a phone call away.

In the whole 2009, God has been working a lot in my relationships. He took away 3 people whom I am closest to, place me in a new cell group that I am not really familiar with(today I love each and everyone of them to bits) and even place in people that have wounded and hurt me. At the end of the day, I really learnt that human beings are not perfect and that includes myself. But God is the only one who is perfect and I can depend on Him all the time. Unlike people, He never fails my expectations. And the best thing is, He loves me with the greatest love in the world. If I have the greatest love of all, what is there to be afraid of?

I believe the best highlight of the year is God changing my lenses (just like in the song The Rising) With His love, I began to see the in depths of things. For example, when people speak words that hurt me, i realized that the reason is not really because they want to hurt me, but instead it was because of their insecurities that caused them to not know how to respond to me. And because of that, I no longer feel offended but rather I have a compassion for them. At the end of the day, I've learnt I am loved, and my calling is to love. No matter how difficult it is, I will still choose to love.