Singlehood

One fine night, the ex called for a casual chat.

And so he asked "Why are you single until today? Lower down your requirements!"

With a smile I replied "Sometimes it ain't I who have unreasonable requirements. But too many people are attracted by the outer me, my appearance, my responsibilities, titles etc. But after knowing me for a year or more, when I feel safe to reveal the 'not so beautiful' side of me, none are willing to accept it and bear with me as I journey through the valley. They start to feel impatient and eventually back off."

Immediately he understood and agreed.

To you who is reading this, are you facing the same thing as me? :)

家中最小

三天前，我们家小妹麦当娜要到柔佛州出差。。
她与我相差9个月。
想一想在她那年龄的我已自己搭过飞机到澳洲，印尼等，还常常自己到柔佛搭公共巴士到新加坡，自己一个人到新加坡这个大城市去探索游玩。
当时的我自己寻找交通工具，自己认路，天不怕，地不怕。
所以，这次我们的小妹要到柔佛，有人帮她安排机票，交通及住宿，我也没怎么担心。
可是！
到了该赶去机场的时刻，小妹她不知怎么慌了，连要整理一个15kg的行旅她都不行，在那里跳着跟我们求救。。
看她那么可怜我也从电脑前站起来帮她从新整理，20分钟后就好了。

看着她出门，心里还是有些不安，担心这个小妹会不会照顾自己，会不会出什么问题，之前那些信心全都不见了。。在我旁边的伟康大哥也皱着眉头显得很着急。。
不过，人依然要长大，她就匆匆忙忙地走了。。

这一天的我学会了每个人，随年龄相同，能力不一样，我们依然需要互相照顾。
此外，我也了解了我妈的感受，感谢她对我的信心，长长要勇敢地面对我充满了冒险的生活习惯。。实在不容易！
因为她的信心，我有了今天的经历。。
我妈很赞！

His Day

On THIS day, I cried in my room the entire night. Went to play with my dog for some comfort, and cried again.

I can't do it. I can't just forgo the fact that he was selfish, he left and he's still the same. I can't lie to myself. I can't love.

Every trip home I would make it a point to visit him, to spend time having meals with him and going for movies with him. Every cell inside my body was unwilling. But I did it. Why? I'm afraid. I'm afraid one day he would not be here anymore and I would regret not giving enough to him. Yes, perhaps you can say, I'm selfish too by doing all these for myself. But it doesn't make me feel good at all. Every time I'm reminded of his selfishness, his absentee, all the tough times and most importantly, my past.

There's 101 things he wasn't..
He wasn't the first man I fell in love with
He wasn't the man that defended me
He wasn't the man that accepts me for who I am
He wasn't the role model of my life
He wasn't the provider for my life
He wasn't the provider for my education
He wasn't the one that sacrificed for me
He wasn't there.

For the things that he was..
He was the fierce figure at home that I would go straight back into my room when he's around
He was the one that expects me to meet all his expectations
He was the one that shows no grace for my failures
He was the one that wanted my mother to abort me
He was the one that threatened to pour acid on our entire family
He was the one that took all my mother's money
He was the one that made my mother go crazy, depressed and suicidal
He was the one that told me he will never provide for my education when I was 16
He was the one that lied to me and took all my savings

He is my father.

Yesterday was his day. I read tweets about everyone celebrating and appreciating their father. As a Christian leader, I'm supposed to love, set an example, appreciate my father.

But I can't be a hypocrite. This ain't what's going on in my heart. I wanna be real.

This is how I am feeling today. I'm not sure how many of you can identify with my situation, but this is the real me.

I'm not being negative. I'm just being real. I still believe. I believe there'll be a breakthrough. The fact that I'm still alive and living my life now is already a miracle.

More breakthroughs are ahead. Things are bad but I don't need to waste my life being a drunkard, messing around with guys, giving up on myself. I move forward. My own godly family, my own future, my selfless life for others is what I'm anticipating. :)

Passingby

Hey there Mr. Passer-by!
Wait upppppp! Don't go so fast!
I wanna enjoy you a little more in my life.
(:

Bamboo Pen and Touch

Been wanting to get a wacom since 3 years ago. Finally......... ;)

First attempt! Yay!

The Chronicles of a Cell Leader

Was doing my devo this morning and got captured by 2 verses.

Will share 1 here today.

Proverbs 27:6 (New King James Version)

⁶ Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

As a cell leader, this is often the dilemma that I face.
When a cell member is found committing a certain sin, I will have no doubt that discipline has to take place for those who does not repent. However, a million questions will arise from my little pastoral heart.

Questions like... Can he bear the weight of the discipline? Will he get into depression? Will he give up and turn away from God after this? Or even is my leadership the right way?
Well, very often, I would find my answer in 1 line - The strong shall remain.

Today, yours truly is very encouraged by Pro 27:6
Thinking about it, Zacchaeus was not being comforted by Jesus when he was convicted of his sin.
Rather, Jesus allowed him to pay back to all those whom he has took from in many folds.
Jesus did not said "Oh, I understand how you feel. As long as you feel sorry, that's enough."
Jesus still wanted Zaccheaus to pay the price for the sins that he committed.

A lot of times we may try to make our friends comfortable when they are convicted. Or we would even shut an eye as a pastoral leader.
But beware, for you might be giving your friends a kiss as an enemy.
Sometimes the holy spirit is working through our friend and things need to be uncomfortable.
So don't ever try to make things comfortable for him and destroy the plans of God in his life.

I always say this to my cell members, even people may hate you, but if you love them, you need to help them change and come out from the ungodly lifestyle.


After all, faithful are the wounds of a friend.

Confession of a daugther.

21 years ago, because of a woman, I was here in this world.
Even before I was born, she stood strong and insisted to my dad that she would not abort me.
Since then, all her life, she spent raising me and my brother.
From the milk powder to the exercise books in school, she spend every single cent of her salary.
Her life was all about us.
Few years later, dad left and it wasn't a peaceful one.
She held on to life, facing all the gossips and humiliation of the people, financial burdens that she has to bare alone, words can never be enough to tell what she has went through.
Every day she sends us to school and goes to work, sometimes 2 jobs.
She tried selling art materials, teaching art classes etc. Or maybe more that I didn't know.
With the little time left, she took care of our meals and everything we needed.
She was the handyman at home. Took care of the lights, clogged drainage, leaking ceiling, everything!
As a woman, she has to go to the car workshop alone. Stay there for hours to wait for the fix cause there's no one there to send her home.
As a mother, she tried her best to cover the role of a father. She brought us for vacations, drove us outstation all alone.
And I know, every night she would cry alone in her bedroom.

She could have re-marry for life to be easier. Find a man who would take care of all of us.
But she didn't. Because she didn't want us to have another complicated family.
Everything was because of us.


I am forever grateful beyond words.
My dream is to give her the best life ever in the coming days.
I love my mother.

Any resemblance? ;)

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New Day. New Drink. New Diet.

Yours truly have been finding various methods for improving my health lately and thus decided to start the Paleo Diet.

What's a Paleo Diet? It's basically no carbs, no grains, no dairies and no processed food(including box juices).
In other words, it's Paloelitic Diet - Eating like a caveman.
Google can tell you more about it.

So it's my first day! And guess what, I failed terribly in the morning due to the opening of Gong Cha in SS15. =P

*very hard to resist!*

So here's my happy cup of Gong Cha Signature Milk Oolong Tea! I am satisfied!

Ps: The price is Rm6.90 for a cup including pearls. It's the same with Chatime but it's WAY BETTER! :D

Aight. Starting late is better than not starting at all right? hee.... So here's my first paleo meal of the day: Carrot Apple Tomato Half Boiled Egg Salad with no dressings!

Well.... The egg's supposed to be hard boiled.. But the stove at home is simply not working.. And I've left the egg in a pot of hot water for more than 30mins.. So I decided to take it out anyhow. The taste's not bad! You can try it out but make sure your egg is fresh k?

*pats own shoulders, great start for day 1!*

Cravings. Everyday

Do I consider myself as a bubble tea fan? Maybe.
But I don't like those honeydew or watermelon flavors.
I'm in for the Milk Tea. (I think it's a taste bud inherited from my dad)

What's my no.1 craving? Taa Daa....
Fell in love with it when I had it in SG.
Just learnt that they're in M'sia now! I mean soon in a few days time.
Boy I'm shoooo excited. Even dreamt of it's opening in my dreams yesterday. :P
Can't wait to give you a sip my dear Gong-Cha

Crying out from my little heart*

*close my eyes and hold my hands tight*

Dear God, I really really wish I can study abroad. My final year's in a few month's time. Just a year. Only 1 year. Please?

Amen.

爱

单方面的爱真的很累。。但爱是个选择。。再不可爱的人我们依然能够选择爱他。。这是爱的力量，爱的伟大!

对我而言。。爱不只是“我爱你”三个字。。它不是个感觉。。不是种心情。。

往往人都使用“期盼”衡量爱。
“我期盼他体谅我，我期盼他会在我生日时给我一个惊喜，我期盼她会为我付出。。。。”
当对方配合不了我们的期盼，我们就觉得爱情变质了。。从前的甜蜜不见了。。

怎么觉得这爱好自私啊？

别人常说 －》 我爱你 ＝ 我要你永远在我身边

对我而言 －》 我爱你 ＝ 我愿意为你付出一切

Imperfection. Vainity.

I love imPerfection.iT makes me neeD YOU.

all the days of my life.

Snap Snap *ka-chak*

Always wanted a good camera. This is on top of my list now - Panasonic Lumix GF-2

丁噹 - 一半

Meaningful. (:

I CHOOSE LOVE

再见

二十一岁的我最害怕的不是没男朋友，功课繁多，而是害怕离别。。

一整年里机场是我每一两个月都会去一次的地方。。多数都是因为我要去北部的那个小国家。。
但有时却是去与心爱的人说再见。。

两年前的一次离别让我崩溃了。但从此也学习了没有人是永远会陪在我身边的。爱一个人不一定要把他锁在身边，送别也是一种爱。。

再见带有祝福，执着只带自私。

人生少不了再见。有再见才有再一次的见面。。

二十一岁，我不再崩溃。我学会了更深一层的爱。学会了祝福。

我。。长大了！ :)

有人在吗？

今天小水滴的心情很差。。做了许多糊涂事。。。
跟身边的人分享了但却没什么安慰。。却许多一笑而过。

请问有人在吗？

Grateful

For too long I've been thinking about what others have and I don't.

Today I've starting appreciating what I already have.

Thank you. Thank You.

<3

Life is all about making choices. And that includes a balance.

That's one of the things that hit me most when I first came to KL. With good choices comes good results, bad choices comes bad consequences. We can't run from it. The final say of our lives is in our hands.

3.33am I was reading through a few blogs me friends. Some had a great life - studied abroad, went touring all around Europe and Asia, shop all they want, and are happily attached. Some was pretty sad - emo posts.

Everyone did what they wanted to. Most of them followed their heart and feelings. So it kept me thinking.. What have I been doing these years? For me, I've been following my head.

Since 3 or 4 years back, I got tired of my messy life of following my heart. I learnt to do what's right instead of what feels right. It wasn't easy at the beginning, but I pulled through. I learnt self-control, discipline and at times, putting up a show(you can't break down in public can you?) My life improved. Everyone saw the change in me. It was productive and fabulous. At some point, I forgot how was it like to follow the heart.

I had great dreams and great visions. Great big ones for nations.

But tonight, I'm gonna have a little balance. Let's follow the heart. Home's always a place where I can do so. I sit in various unglam positions in front of my homies, slept with my mouth wide open on the couch and sing as loud as I want. I really appreciate all of them for putting up with me.

Tonight, I'm writing a song. A song of all my worries, all my fears and all my disappointments. So here comes the head saying: "What if people knows about it and stumbles?"
So I told the head: "Hey, I'm not a hypocrite. My heart is heavy tonight and there's nothing I got to hide."

So it goes......

The clock's ticking on the wall
When will it ever stop
People walking in the mall
Trying out that beautiful top

Friends for life is what they call
But who's there when your tears drop
In love with you now I fall
But things just ain't how I thought

Chorus:
How long more is this gonna stay
How far more is the promises you made
I'm losing it without you
Can't take the distance anymore
Let me feel you
One more time please

Ok I'm pretty sleepy now. Verse 2 and bridge? To be continued :)

Who's Crystal Low. What does she wants?

Went out and met my highschool mates tonight. The chat was great asking each other how are we doing and what's our next plans. But it kinda turned pretty awkward from me when one of them asked 'I thought you went to spread religion?' (It's in Chinese so pls excuse my grammar.) I didn't know how to answer for a moment cause it sounded like I'm some cult....

So it kept me thinking while I'm home showering just now. Am I really such a 'cult' to my friends? Maybe I was.. But does it really matter? What have I been doing these 4 years? I seem so irrelevant to people my age. So I bathed and thought about how my life has been these years. At last, I smiled. I knew I was a better person. I knew that I want the broken like me to know there's hope, there's a future, there's a life to live. I want the thousands and millions to know that they have a second chance. I want to introduce them one thing called Love. And the love I know of is Jesus. :)

Finally the questions comes - Why are you still single? Set your standards lower!
So why? What type of guy am I really looking for?
I searched my heart and I found the answer - A man that will make a difference.
A man that will live for others and change the world he live in.

So yeah! Stop bugging me aight? I'm reserving my best for this one and only! Let's keep on searching! :)

梦想。。

你，找到你的梦想了吗？

A Child of God

Nearing the end of 2010, I have been challenged to get to know what does my identity as a Child of God means. I guess I can't be one unless I know what it is. So I did some research, and preached it as a sermon to end the year with my beloved cell members. If you're eager to know and you desire to live as one radically, this will help you. (P/s: It's in a sermon form k!)

So You Think You’re a Child of God?

How many of you are very very sure that you are a child of God?

How do you know that?

Which verse of the bible says that? Which chapter? Why did God say that?

Your Pastors and Leaders always preached to you saying “You are a child of God.”

If you don’t know, may I suggest to you that you are only carrying that identity because people told you so and you never really knew what God said about being His child.

You may not have a personal conviction about that precious identity of yours.

1 John 3:1-3

¹ Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!^[a] Therefore the world does not know us,^[b] because it did not know Him. ² Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. ³ And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.

To be a child of God means to be like Jesus.

So as we live each day, we are to observe and do things how Jesus did. We are to ask ourselves, what would Jesus do?

And one of the best ways to do that is to read your bible. If you don’t read, you will never know how Jesus is like, and you can’t be a child of God.

Tell your neighbor: Read your bible! *big wide smile*

Now, I want you to notice this. When you first receive Christ into your life, you are first called a child of God instead of a man God.

So you need to first be a child before you can be a man. And this is a process that you should not miss out. In fact, it is the process that will determine your destiny.

A man of God must first be a child of God. In fact, he is a man and a child at the same time.

So that leads me back to my question: What does it mean to be a child of God?

This has been the question that I’ve been pondering upon the past few weeks.

Mark 10:14-16 (New King James Version)

¹⁴ But when Jesus saw it, He was greatly displeased and said to them, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. ¹⁵ Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” ¹⁶ And He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them.

Matt 18:3

Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.

3 Characteristics of a Child

1. A child is fearless.

Illus: When a child sees a snake in front of him, he will by all means go and play with it without fear. Unless you scare him and tell him that it is dangerous, he is fearless.

A lot of times we are defeated by fear. We fear…

- Humiliation

- Disgrace

- Failures

- Disappointments

Conclusion: We fear people.

A child is not even afraid of deadly real danger. But we as adults are afraid of our own kind, which the harm that they can cause us would only be words and perspectives.

Everyone say uh-oh!

Tell your neighbor: Do not be afraid of me! *big wide smile*

Fear destroys your dreams and destiny.

Fear causes disbelief and confusion.

The reason why people failed to pursue their dreams is because of fear.

If you fail to start, you will never succeed.

Faith overcomes fear.

So tell your neighbor, don’t be fearful, be faith-filled!

Now, of course it’s not enough just to be fearless. Being fearless blindy is a kind of foolishness.

So that leads me to my second point.

2. A child is teachable.

A child is always curious. They would touch anything that they see, let their imaginations run wild and even put it in their mouth.

They observe the things the adult does and imitates them.

They are constantly learning and picking up new things.

And that is a function of a disciple. The word disciple means forever a student. Our primary purpose is to learn.

Ps 53:2

² God looks down from heaven upon the children of men,
To see if there are any who understand, who seek God.

God is not looking for a man with gifts, talents and achievements.

But God is looking for a heart that seeks Him, a heart that constantly desires to learn more about Him.

Matt 7:21-22

²¹ “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. ²² Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ ²³ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’

Now, it’s not enough to gain a lot of knowledge. Knowledge remains knowledge if it is not applied and practied. And that leads me to my last point.

3. A child needs to be obedient.

Pro 8:32 Now therefore, listen to me, my children, For blessed are those who keep my commandments.

A good father is one who loves and correct.

Pro 22:15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.

God loves and disciplines.

Just like a father, He enjoys seeing us adventure in life, showing us the ways and teaching us new things everyday. But because He loves us, He disciplines us when we are wrong to protect us from greater harm and damage.

My question for you today is, what is the condition of your heart today? Are you open when God rebukes you of your sins? Those that pleasures you. Perhaps it’s a relationship, someone you know you shouldn’t dwell with any longer. Or perhaps it’s certain habits and addictions. The word of God says “STOP!”, but you heard and ignored it.

Obedience means let go and let God!

1 John 2:3-6 (New King James Version)

The Test of Knowing Him

³ Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. ⁴ He who says, “I know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. ⁵ But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. ⁶ He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.

Conclusion:

A child of God is one who is fearless, one who is teachable and one who is obedient, one knows His father and keeps His commandments.

Story from a father:

I remember my daughter when she began toddling, then walking. She was a little bundle of energy! Our house was her whole world. She didn't know what was outside it, at least not past her yard. She didn't understand the vastness and complexity of what was beyond her own little world.

Well, she and I began going for walks around the neighborhood, ranging far and wide. Once the house was out of sight, she could not return on her own. She was lost. She had no idea where to go or what to do, or even if she was safe.

Yet as we crossed one street after another, she held my hand and knew deep in her heart that she was safe. She knew her father loved her and would always do what was best for her. She knew her father would protect her from all harm and guide her in the best way to go, every single time. All she had to do was hold his hand and do what he told her to do and she would have fun along the way, whether she knew where she was going or not!

She didn't get scared or hesitate. She embraced the trip down strange new streets as an adventure, with full confidence in her father. That's how Jesus said we should be; like a child. It's called faith.

Do you have what it takes to be a true and real child of God?